My narcissist former bestie

I am attracted to narcissists not just romantically but also in interpersonal relationships. My first husband was a stone cold narcissist, it did not last long or end well. I kinda learned to spot it and avoid it in men after him. My oldest and formly bestfriend was quite a narcissist and I never really picked up on it. Because of who she is our 25/26 year friendship is not linear. It is broken and disconnected by her lies, betrayals and game playing. 6, 12, 18 or even 24 months would pass without contact after she was exposed in some fuckery. She would start to show back up, insist she had matured or some such, without ever really taking responsibility for what she had done. I always forgave. It is in my nature. I make a lot of mistakes and often all you can do is sincerely admit you were wrong and hope the other person moves past it. This is in normal relationships, people are after all only human and I try not to hold grudges. I try to just let it go. Ah, a narcissists paradise. Like all such people she is charming and fun. It would be like our friendship picked right back up where it left off. Talking to her and spending time with her is like returning to my younger self. I’m an introvert and it is difficult to let people in. That has become more true as I got older, not less. She remembers so many versions of myself that I’ve forgotten and she is very good at drawing me out.  I told myself this had value.  When I found out she made a pretty serious pass at a man I really loved, when my brother died and she shamed me for his ‘lifestyle’ rather than supporting me through his death, when I had surgeries and lived with a chronic illness she never helped and was judgemental, when I was fostering/adopting and it fell thru she flaked, my wedding she flaked. My hubby hated her on sight. He found her obnoxious,  toxic and obscene.  He likes everybody. He really is my best friend and I tell him everything.  She was supposed to support me at my Dad’s Memorial last year. She never showed or called to say she wasn’t coming. The next day she called me with an elaborate lie about a fight with her hubby, he took the car, the kids heard, blah blah blah. We spend most of the day debating the pros and cons of her marriage.  I know immediately she is lying about what happened but I figure the true story is embarassing. She only owes me however much truth she wishes to share. Not everything. She also gossips about a new friend she met. Well she lives her life on Facebook checking in everywhere she goes, posting a lot of selfies and happy family photos,  etc. She is fake, shallow and overly concerned with how things appear. Anyway she checked in to the movies on Facebook with the new friend and I went to the ladies page to get a look at the stuff she had gossiped about. Immediately I noticed that this friend had a huge party the day of my Dad’s Memorial and my so called best friend had been there with her hubby and kids. When confronted with her lies she blamed me. She said we were not the type of friends who went to each other’s parents funeral services.  That I was flaky and not a good friend to her and must have forgotten who I was. She also insisted that she did not lie. They had the fight and then she went to the party. I was furious. I started to argue. I stopped. I simply said ‘I wish you and your family well.’ I unfriended her, her children, her sisters,  her mother,  mutual friends,  her hubby every single common contact we had on social media. I erased every single phone number I had hers, her sisters, her mom’s,  her hubby’s,  her kids. I removed her from my life. I was angry but oh my god was I free. She posted some shit on her Facebook page about me being flaky, my daughter and sister are still Facebook friends with her.  About 6 months later she reached out to me like she always has in the past. Kinda acknowledging our fight but acting like we were both at fault. I was feeling unwell and snapped back at her. This was on Facebook IM. In the end I called because I wanted her to hear in my voice how I was totally fucking done with her. She was shocked I called and hesitant on the phone. She still didn’t take ownership of her lie or admit she was wrong. She insisted that I was a terrible flaky friend who wasn’t entitled to a friendship where my friend showed up when they promised they would or told me the truth. I was apparently only worthy of flakiness and lies. A narcissist speaks. At this point I knew she was a narcissist.  I no longer fuck with that shit. I barely listened to her as she blamed me for her behaviors and tried to manipulate me into believing I somehow deserved her behavior. At the end of conversation when she realized I really could give zero fucks she finally winds down with and this is classic, ” I love you and I am here for you. If you ever need anything at all just call me and I’ll be there for you.” I had to bite my tongue not to laugh out loud. Oh the irony.  Had you just showed at my Dad’s Memorial or been honest about why you didn’t we wouldn’t be here now. You are not there for me nor have you ever been. You were there for yourself if I got any help it was secondary and never the goal. Narcissists care for no one but themselves. I’m not going to lie I missed her. We watched the same tv shows, read the same books and raised our kids together.  When Son’s of Anarchy ended I thought of her. When they announced the new Harry Potter Magical Beasts movie I thought of her. Of course she did not go away. She showed up on my various social media accounts,  I had unfriended not blocked her. So I went about blocking both herself and then her husband. I do not follow her daughter but she follows me. I saw she lost weight and changed her hair and took a vacation. She seems to be happier with her husband and her home based business appears to still be going. I’m happy for her. I don’t wish her ill,  ever.  I simply wish that we had never known each other.  Please go away. Stop contacting my daughter who you never liked it’s weird plus she’s pregnant and doesn’t need the stress.
This was written August 21, 2015.

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